The Gracious Invitation of a Loving God

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Welcome to Grace at the Fray, a podcast that explores the many dimensions of God’s grace that we find at the frayed edges of life. Come explore how God’s grace works to renew your life and send you on mission in His Kingdom.

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0:00:22.3 Jim Lovelady: Hello, beloved of God. Welcome back. I think that you’re really going to love this conversation today. It totally reminds me of the story from Matthew 14 where Jesus walks on the water and then He asks Peter to walk on the water, and he does. And then he sees the wind, he gets scared, from seeing the wind. I don’t know. Can you see the wind? Anyway, he sinks and he cries out to Jesus, and Jesus rescues him. And I wonder what it was like for the disciples in the boat during that storm to watch as Peter stepped out in faith to walk on the water toward Jesus. What was it like for them to watch someone stepping out in faith? For me, today’s conversation was a bit like that. My guest today is my friend Sydney. She’s about to embark on a really amazing adventure of doing cross-cultural ministry in the UK with Serge’s apprenticeship program. As she sets out on the adventure that Jesus has called her to, we get to witness the baby steps of faith that start to look like faithfulness. Sydney’s story of going on the field is a story of wrestling with Jesus through prayer and remaining attentive to His invitation to follow Him. And for my part, as I was listening to her story, I shared the same kind of amazement that the disciples must have had when they saw Peter walking on the water. “Peter, he’s really doing it. Look at him go!” Well, when you watch someone respond to God’s invitation, when you see them practice humble faithfulness, it’s really inspiring. Think of this conversation as a snapshot of the moment that Peter was walking on water. Of course, later he sank, but how amazing was it that he did that? But now here’s the question. How did Peter get back into the boat? Do you think after Jesus grabbed him by the hand that Peter wanted to let go? I don’t think so. They walked hand in hand back to the boat. Peter must have been clinging to Jesus. And I tell you, this is the sweet spot of life in fellowship with God, the intimacy of “Lord, save me!” After this conversation with Sydney, as I watched someone hold Jesus’ hand as she was doing some really amazing things, I couldn’t help but think, “Jesus, surely you are the Son of God!” This is what happens when we take risks for Jesus, take steps of faith. Of course, we lose sight of Jesus all too often and we start to sink, but we cry out to him and he saves us. Surprisingly, that whole dynamic points the onlooking world to Jesus and He’s glorified. And this is the pattern of renewal leading to mission. Do you believe that even when you sink, you are pointing the world to Jesus when you cry out to Him? So look for these five elements in my conversation with Sydney. One, Jesus, if it’s you, command me to come to you. And then two, look, He’s really doing it. And then three, Lord, save me from drowning. Save me. And four, the intimate walk back to the boat with Jesus. And then lastly, the exclamation, surely You are the Son of God. As you listen, I want you to hold this story in your mind and see what it means for your life to faithfully follow Jesus.

 

0:03:45.9 Jim Lovelady: Well, Sydney, welcome to Grace at the Fray again.

 

0:03:50.6 Sydney B: Thanks. It’s been so long.

 

0:03:52.7 Jim Lovelady: I know. The technical difficulties that we had in the last one are… On the one hand, it doesn’t surprise me that I messed stuff up. The red blinking button means it’s not working. That’s what we learned. Anyway, so welcome back.

 

0:04:05.1 Sydney B: Thanks.

 

0:04:06.0 Jim Lovelady: The secret conversation that will never be aired. Maybe you could give that to your supporters as some sort of fun kind of thing. In celebration of the fact that you are 100% supported and that you just recently got your visa, right?

 

0:04:22.6 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:04:23.0 Jim Lovelady: When did you get it?

 

0:04:23.9 Sydney B: Got it last Friday.

 

0:04:26.3 Jim Lovelady: Okay.

 

0:04:26.8 Sydney B: Last Friday in the mail.

 

0:04:29.0 Jim Lovelady: You are good to go.

 

0:04:30.0 Sydney B: Yep. Flights booked.

 

0:04:31.7 Jim Lovelady: In celebration of that, I brought you some tea because you’re going to London. I brought you… You can choose between English breakfast and English afternoon.

 

0:04:42.4 Sydney B: Wow. No English dinner?

 

0:04:45.6 Jim Lovelady: I don’t know. So part of your assignment is on your apprenticeship, when you come back two years from now and do another interview to tell me how everything went, part of it will be to teach me how to drink tea the English way.

 

0:04:58.8 Sydney B: If I drink it at all.

 

0:05:00.5 Jim Lovelady: Well, in a revolutionary spirit, I’m drinking my coffee.

 

0:05:05.1 Sydney B: Oh, that’s so nice.

 

0:05:06.3 Jim Lovelady: Or, I don’t know, it’s espresso, so maybe there’s an Italian kind of thing going on. But I like tea, but I love coffee. I like tea, I love coffee.

 

0:05:15.9 Sydney B: Love coffee. You know, if I drank coffee, I’d be with you on that. Like tea, love coffee. 

 

0:05:20.8 Jim Lovelady: You don’t drink coffee?

 

0:05:22.1 Sydney B: No, no.

 

0:05:23.5 Jim Lovelady: You know what? You should move to England.

 

0:05:25.2 Sydney B: Thank you. Thank you. That’s a great idea. I’ll take it into consideration.

 

0:05:28.8 Jim Lovelady: Oh, man. So I’m catching you mere days before you’re heading out. You’re joining the apprenticeship in London. And I just want to hear the story of how the Lord brought you to this place. And yeah, last week when we filmed this, not everything was in place, but today as we film this, it’s like, oh, no, there’s some pieces in place now that make it where, like, I was excited for you last week, now I’m really excited for you.

 

0:06:01.1 Sydney B: Thanks.

 

0:06:01.6 Jim Lovelady: You know, so anyway, tell me the story.

 

0:06:04.1 Sydney B: Yeah, it started back in 2023. I had just landed a new job at my local church as the junior high coordinator, AV coordinator, was super pumped about it and was even more pumped because in my schedule there was a trip that was kind of built in. So I was like, great.

 

0:06:24.5 Jim Lovelady: Which is sweet, right?

 

0:06:25.5 Sydney B: Yeah, I was like, I don’t have to ask off. This is amazing.

 

0:06:28.1 Jim Lovelady: International travel is in my job description.

 

0:06:31.2 Sydney B: Right. I was like, amazing. I’ve heard really great things about this trip. So let’s go see what the Lord’s doing overseas, and I’ll come back and continue my new job that I love. And kind of went over with the team, unsure of what to expect, a little nervous of, man, I hope I don’t get, ugh, I don’t know how to answer that question. And the Lord was just really kind as soon as we get there. LEAP is fun where you have talks in the morning from different Serge workers that are there, and then the afternoons are usually spent visiting different places and doing outreach. And I was just immediately hit with the talks in the mornings of just the joy that the Serge workers out there had.

 

0:07:14.3 Jim Lovelady: So not even first the things that they said, it was just the way they were.

 

0:07:18.5 Sydney B: Yeah, it was just their absolute, unabashed love for the Lord and just like, man, yeah, things can be hard, this can be hard, it can be awkward, and yet look at the gospel and how beautiful it is. And I was like, oh, that is so cool. And just felt convicted of, man, do I see the gospel as that beautiful? And one of the Serge workers gave a talk on prayer, and he kind of just asked the question of, hey, do we pray as if we have a really loving father who delights in us and loves us and is looking down and smiling at us? And do we also pray like He’s the creator of the universe, all-powerful, big God, wants to answer our prayers? And I was like, huh, yeah, let me think about that. Started thinking about my prayer life with the Lord and just felt convicted of, yeah, what does it look like to really intentionally enter into spaces with those in mind of you’re not just praying to God, it’s not some mundane thing, but this is a Father who loves you deeply to the point that He literally sent His Son to die. And He’s all-powerful. It’s not like you’re praying to Him and He’s like, well, maybe I can do that. And so it was kind of…

 

0:08:32.2 Jim Lovelady: I’ll do my best.

 

0:08:33.1 Sydney B: Yeah, He’s like, uh, kind of hitting the threshold of what I can do. There’s no limit. And so kind of went into that week with that in mind of, all right, Lord, I need You in this, and I want to see you move in that. And Thursday comes along and was kind of getting in the groove of, yeah, this isn’t super scary, you get to have conversations with people. And I was at a book table and was just kind of asking people, hey, if you want free literature, feel free to grab anything.

 

0:08:59.8 Jim Lovelady: Yeah.

 

0:09:00.3 Sydney B: Here you go, take it all here. And one woman in particular walked up and she was kind of looking around. I was like, feel free to take whatever. And she takes the book of John. And I was like, that’s a great choice. And like, yeah, have fun. And she kind of leaves. And I was like, great, awesome, seeds have been planted, the gospel is moving forward. And she did not get far. She kind of walked probably 10-15 feet away, sat on the street step, and we’re between a busy marketplace, a busy bus stop, and she just sits down, opens the book, and starts reading it. And I was like, oh, that’s different. I’m going to pray that the Lord uses this time that she’s reading to really draw her to Himself. So I’m praying about it and 30 minutes goes by and she’s still there, still reading. And I just kind of feel the Lord being like, hey, you should go talk to her. And I’m like, ooh, already interacted with her over here by the table, that would be so awkward to be like, hey, me again. But 30 minutes goes by again, and I’m like, okay, I think I have to go talk to this woman.

 

0:10:11.1 Jim Lovelady: So having wrestled through analysis paralysis.

 

0:10:14.0 Sydney B: Yeah, yeah. And just feeling the Lord just being like, go, go. And I’m like, I think I’m going to pray. And then finally, an hour goes by, and you’re like, yeah, I can’t argue with that, Lord. So I went over to her and just kind of started talking and asked her, do you have any religion? And she was like, yeah, a little bit of different ones mixed together. And I was like, cool. Where’s your hope in that? Where do you place your hope? And she was like, I don’t really know. And I was like, oh, that’s interesting. You want to unpack that? And she was like, yeah, I’ve been hurt by leaders on both sides of the religions that I have, and that’s been really hard to understand. How do I trust people? How do I trust God? And it was just kind of in that moment that I felt the Lord being like, hey, you’ve also experienced different hurts in life, and you get to tell this lady, hey, me too. And can I tell you where my hope lies and why I’m following Jesus and why I’m even out here? And it was just a really cool moment where I was like, oh, the Lord can use anything. He can use weaknesses, anything. And it’s just so cool. And so I kind of continued talking with her, and then it kind of got to a point where the conversation kind of died. So I was like, all right, I’m going to go back to my table. She was not leaving, so I was like, I hope if you have any questions, you can come over. Hope it’s good and life-giving and all that. And I leave, go back to the table. She sits there for another hour. And in that hour, I’m praying and just feel the Lord being like, hey, you’re kind of out here to help these churches get connected to the local church. You could go tell her about that, ’cause that didn’t come up in your conversation. I was like, oh, that’s the third time, Lord. I was like, I’ve already gone up to her twice now. But again, an hour goes by and you’re like, well, she’s not going anywhere. Can’t really argue with that. So I went up to her and asked her if she wanted to get involved with the church or just connect if she had questions with the local pastor. She was like, yeah. And I was like, all right, cool. We go over there, and we ended up getting there as one of the pastors and a gentleman in the area were having a conversation. And I just remember the guy looking at her and being like, you don’t want to be here. You don’t want to be associated with these people. And I just was like, well, I really can’t do anything here. He started talking to her in her native language. I was like, oh, I can’t even speak into anything. So I just started praying where I was like, Lord, don’t let anything deter her. And I think it just opened my eyes to the spiritual warfare that’s going on. I think even coming home from that, I was like, yeah, it’s everywhere. But I think that moment really brought me to a place where I was like, no, there’s something bigger going on. And how am I engaging with that? So I came home after that. She did get connected at the church. I’m not sure what happened after that, but that kind of started the conversation for me of, what if I thought about going? I all of a sudden have this little desire for these people that are in London, and it’d be really interesting to kind of explore that. So I end up talking to some friends, some mentors about it and really just started wrestling with different questions that I had of, why should I go if I have friends and people that I love here that don’t know the Lord? Why should I go to a whole other country when it feels like there’s work here as well to be done for the Kingdom? And it was just really cool to see the Lord kind of move through that of, no, you can still be called and still go. And I’ve got it. Yeah, He’s in control. And so I started kind of bargaining with the Lord a little bit, where I was like, well, maybe if I go in the summers and help lead teams, that’ll be the way. And so as I’m kind of figuring out, do I apply? Do I just go in the summer? I went for a second time to LEAP. And I think it was literally our second day. We went to a different site, and there is a woman who came in and was praying, had a little kid next to her, but she was just weeping and just crying out to the statue. And I was like, you don’t know that that statue can’t hear you. You don’t know that that statue can’t do anything for you. And just to see the desperation, the desperation for hope and for whatever she was needing to the point that it brought her to her knees. I was like, these people don’t know. And it just completely broke my heart and really kind of solidified the idea of applying. I came home after that, applied, went through the process, got appointed to a team in London and doing the apprenticeship for two years and have been support raising for the last nine or so months. And here we are.

 

0:15:00.6 Jim Lovelady: Here we are.

 

0:15:01.2 Sydney B: Here we are.

 

0:15:01.8 Jim Lovelady: Now you’re about to take off.

 

0:15:03.5 Sydney B: Yep.

 

0:15:04.0 Jim Lovelady: One of the things I think is really cool about the way your story unfolds is how you hear a lecture about prayer and you’re convicted by a lot of the conversation in that talk. And by convicted, it’s kind of like, I don’t mean you feel guilty. I mean you’re invited to see differently, and maybe your eyes are opening and you’re like, well, I want to give this a shot. So I love how at a book table, you’re like, okay, I’m going to give this prayer thing a try. I want to do the things that I learned in that talk. And how it turns into this conversation that is totally a back-and-forth kind of tug-of-war, a little bit of a wrestling, kind of Jacob wrestling with the angel type stuff where… Where, how does that work? It’s like, I heard the voice of the Lord say, go talk to that lady. Whenever anybody talks about, I hear the voice of the Lord tell me to do blah, blah, blah, especially in our reformed circles, people are like, you heard the voice of the Lord? Oh, dear Lord. And it’s kind of like suspicion. But really, we always have these kind of gut feelings or voices in our head that are kind of floating around saying, hey, you should. What do you think about doing this or that? And so why can’t the Holy Spirit move in that kind of way? And of course, it’s always going to be working in tandem with the way the Holy Scripture is revealing the truth of who God is. Whenever there’s a voice in your head that’s accusing, so, for example, if it had been, go over and talk to her or God won’t love you, that’s a voice that people have in their head.

 

0:16:51.3 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:16:51.7 Jim Lovelady: That is not the voice of the Lord.

 

0:16:53.2 Sydney B: Right. Yeah.

 

0:16:54.1 Jim Lovelady: That is a voice of condemnation that comes with a lot of spiritual baggage and expectations from people who have entertained that kind of voice. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. That’s the voice that we have floating around in our head. That’s the voice that you had that was like, hey, I love you. Go talk to that lady. And you’re like, I love you, too. Okay, fine. I’m scared, or whatever. And so I love how engaging in prayer starts to shape you to where you start to see these fears that you have in your own life and you face your fears. Hypothetically speaking, if you didn’t engage in prayer, you could dutifully go be like, hey, here’s your book. I’m good to go. Sweet. I’m not going to talk to you anymore, Jesus. And you could kind of ignore those voices, or you could say, I’m going to go talk to her, but I’m going to do it because I’m afraid that God might stop loving me if I don’t evangelize. When you say it out loud, it sounds so silly. And then as you’re wrestling with Him, He starts to say, hey, go talk to her, and you go, but I’m afraid, and he goes, but perfect love casts out all fear. And I love you with a perfect love. Go do that. None of that maybe is linguistically trackable in your heart. It’s not like there’s a paragraph being written in your heart, but as you’re praying and as you’re quote, unquote, hearing the voice of the Lord, it’s those kinds of things. You know what I mean?

 

0:18:30.4 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:18:30.8 Jim Lovelady: Slow that episode down and talk to me about what prayer, the wrestling of prayer, was like in how Jesus revealed some of your fears and how He coaxed you, invited you into a kind of a repentance that was embodied by, just walk over there and talk to her.

 

0:18:54.6 Sydney B: I think you just said it, the invitation. Having the mindset of, I think it comes back to the conversation about prayer, if you’re all-powerful and if you love me, then I can go to her knowing that I may not have the answers to whatever she may say. And honestly, it was a really sometimes hard conversation because it was a lot of broken English. So it’s like, I don’t even know how much of that translated.

 

0:19:23.6 Jim Lovelady: Right.

 

0:19:24.2 Sydney B: But I think getting to know God through His word and getting to know His character gets you to the point where you’re like, okay, one, You can handle my fears. I get to be honest with You and know that My love doesn’t change and Your love doesn’t change for me. And so that kind of frees you to have that wrestling. Because I feel like if you don’t trust the Lord and His character and who He is and that He’s a good God and He’s for you and He’s going to give you your daily bread, then, or if you think that He’s distant and disappointed, yeah, I’m probably not going to bring you my fears, and I’m probably not going to wrestle that out, and I’m probably just going to push it away. So I think it starts with knowing who our God is. And I think that that allowed in that week to have that freedom of, all right, what are you calling me to do in this moment?

 

0:20:17.8 Jim Lovelady: Are You really like this? Do You really love me? Do You really love this woman? Are You the God of love?

 

0:20:26.2 Sydney B: Yeah. Yeah, and if He is, it’s like, man, like, yeah, she’s made in your image, and that’s so cool. And You love her, and so we get to pursue in all the clumsy, awkward ways, and He’s still going to use that. So I think having that confidence in who He is and the confidence that you can bring every fear and every weakness to Him, He’s like, yeah, and I might still ask you to go. I might still ask you to do this, but I’ve also given you the promise of, I am with you, and I’ve already gone before you, and I haven’t left you before, so why would I do that here? And so I think just having that, like, yeah, I’m really uncomfortable, and I know that I don’t go alone. Even though it’s just me walking up to this woman, I’m like, I don’t go alone. I literally have the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. And so being like, all right, I can trust that. And I think I can enter into this knowing that my God is with me and for me and for her and with her.

And so I think there’s a lot to that. But I think in the midst of the wrestling, there’s a lot of freedom to be just honest and to know that you can also do things when you’re still uncomfortable. You might not have the absence of fear, but you can still do it, right?

 

0:21:37.0 Jim Lovelady: Right.

 

0:21:37.3 Sydney B: And who knows what the Lord will do? And I think that’s kind of been the fun part of, Lord, I want eyes to see. Because I think on my own, I’m not going to see what you’re doing. I can just be like, oh, that’s not going to work. Oh, that’s really awkward. That seems impossible. But I think we have a God who is very powerful and a God who loves to work in the impossible and through weak, needy people like me and like all of us. And so I think that’s kind of the exciting part of, all right, Lord, what are You going to do? What are You going to do and how are You going to do it?

 

0:22:07.0 Jim Lovelady: Yeah. It’s like you’re walking down a hallway and there are all these doors and you could push open the door that says, follow Jesus wherever He leads you, and or you could not. You could just keep going wherever else. And the way that I hear you talking is kind of like you’re saying, I went through that door and there’s so much more going on in that room or whatever, in that space, than I ever realized. Like, the Lord is working on me as the Lord is working through me. The Lord is working on that woman. The woman is working into my life as I am submitting to Jesus. So much going on that the Holy Spirit loves to orchestrate. And you’ve just been given some eyes to see it because you were humble enough and honest enough. I appreciate that you say honesty because it’s like, hey, honestly, Jesus, I don’t want to do this. And He’s like, I know. I love you. Let’s go.

 

0:23:05.7 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:23:06.9 Jim Lovelady: You know?

 

0:23:07.6 Sydney B: Yeah. Well, I think it’s also nice to kind of as I think through it to be like, it was small steps. It wasn’t just like, let’s just nose dive and hope for the best, but it was tiny little steps. It was three times of going up to her, not having a full-blown one-hour conversation, but getting to be like, all right, I’m going to go to this book table and try to interact. All right, Lord, let’s do that. Oh, little steps of, I’m going to go approach her and just ask her about her life a little. Okay. And then another part of, oh, yeah, I’m going to go ask her if she wants to get involved with the church or be connected with the church. And so I think knowing that the Lord is also okay with that of, yeah, let’s work in these steps. And I think it looks different for everyone, but I think it’s just really nice to know that He goes with you and you can wrestle that out with Him. There’s a lot of freedom in that. 

 

0:24:01.4 Jim Lovelady: Yeah. The way that we think about doing evangelism, “doing evangelism” is so much like, yeah, I should probably do that. All right, but I don’t feel equipped to do that, so I’ll take an evangelism class. Or, I should do that, but tomorrow. Always tomorrow. Free tacos tomorrow. Have you seen those signs everywhere?

 

0:24:21.8 Sydney B: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

0:24:23.1 Jim Lovelady: Free tacos or free tacos yesterday, whatever.

 

0:24:25.3 Sydney B: Yeah, yeah.

 

0:24:25.9 Jim Lovelady: So it’s like, just not now. Whatever opportunity to follow you into evangelism now, I don’t want to do that. So it’s this interesting aspect of being dutiful in the way that we do evangelism that’s like, no, it’s not about being dutiful. It’s not about, I know I should do this, so I’m going to go do it. It’s, Jesus, you’re inviting me to participate with you. How do I do that except through prayer? How do I do that except through being in tune with the nudges that you give? And is it a nudge from you to say, go, go talk about hope in Christ? That sounds like a nudge from the Lord.

 

0:25:10.9 Sydney B: Oh, yeah.

 

0:25:12.2 Jim Lovelady: You know? Is it a nudge from the Lord that says, hey, go do this, or else? That doesn’t sound like the Lord. So you’re just kind of wrestling out, Jesus, I want to, give me the mind of Christ. I want to have the mind of Christ. I want to think His thoughts. What is your thought? Your thought is, like you said, she’s made in the image of God. And the other woman that you’re talking about, she’s bowing down in hopelessness, weeping before a God who has no power, a God made by human hands that is not a real God. It’s a false God. So these intuitions that we have that guide us because we just submit ourselves in prayer. Jesus, show me. Jesus, guide me. I want to be open.

 

0:25:55.5 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:25:56.0 Jim Lovelady: And you were. And so I love this story because, it just, the story was what it was. It’s not like it has this climactic ending of, she came to the faith…

 

0:26:07.1 Sydney B: Right there on the street.

 

0:26:09.1 Jim Lovelady: And then she… One of those, whatever kind of expectation we may have for a wonderful, beautiful story that we would have. That’s actually not as important as, no, I just followed Him, and He told me what to do and what to say, and I did it even though I was scared. And I repented of how I was scared by just going and speaking and trusting Him.

 

0:26:35.2 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:26:35.7 Jim Lovelady: I love it. I want to pause this conversation and invite you to join us in prayer for the field workers that we here at the Serge headquarters in Philadelphia are praying for each week. We meet on Tuesday and Friday mornings to pray, and this week, we’re praying for our teams in South Asia and also for our folks all over who are raising support. Would you pray with me? Lord, we pray that You would bless these folks. Give them ears to hear Your invitation. Give them courage to respond to Your love, and give them grace in their weakness. Give them joy in their work in Your Kingdom and the pleasure of Your joy as they follow You. Give them wisdom and let your grace abound in their relationships with one another, with family members and children, and with the people that they serve. Heal all sicknesses, liberate the enslaved. Protect them from the powers and principalities of darkness. Restore to them the joy of Your salvation and let Your Kingdom come and Your will be done in these places, just as it is in heaven. We pray in Your name. Amen. Now back to the conversation. 

 

0:27:45.7 Jim Lovelady: So one of the things you and I have talked about is in the wrestling about whether or not to go is how… I don’t remember if it was a thought that came into your head or someone maybe, I think, said, hey, Syd, there’s so many people here. Why don’t you stay and minister to all the people that are in need here? So talk to me about how you wrestled with that kind of tension.

 

0:28:14.5 Sydney B: Yeah, I think, honestly, that was the place that I felt the most tension while wrestling. And I think it was really helpful. At one point, I just kind of plopped on one of my dear friend’s porches and dear mentor and was just like, how do you discern calling? And she was like, what are you talking about, Syd? I think it’s because of that question of, man, how do I leave here knowing that there’s Kingdom work everywhere? So why would I go? And yet I can’t shake this little desire that the Lord has… It feels like it’s just planted in my heart. I can’t shake that desire. And so how do you wrestle that out? And at one point, she kind of just looked at me and was like, hey, what if going… What if the Lord uses your going to have conversations with people, to impact people in ways that you’re not even thinking about and in ways that you just couldn’t even think of? And so I was like, oh. I was like, oh, yeah, I guess…

 

0:29:14.1 Jim Lovelady: Never thought about that.

 

0:29:14.8 Sydney B: Yeah, I was like, I guess I’m giving myself a lot of power here of thinking that I need to stay because there’s work to do. And totally, again, missing, yeah, what if the Lord uses you leaving to have impacts that you don’t even are thinking about or think are a possibility? And it was really funny. So I kind of started leaning into that. I was like, okay, yeah. What if the Lord would use that? And I think it’s been really funny the last year and a half or so, the conversations that have come up where people have been like, hey, I have dear friends who have been like, hey, I have been wrestling with the Lord and with church and all that, and to see you make this decision to go has really brought me to a place of wanting to know more about why would you go? Or even just conversations that, again, don’t go to super crazy stories of someone came to faith, but it’s just open doors that I wouldn’t have thought would be open have been really cool to walk through. Be like, oh, yeah, I don’t think if I decided to stay that that would have happened. And I think at the same time, the Lord would have been with me and used me if I had stayed, but I think it’s been really cool and kind of opened my eyes. Be like, yeah, what are the possibilities? And how could the Lord work in different ways that I can’t even think of? And so that was really helpful to just dwell on that and just honestly repenting of, yeah, I am not God.

 

0:30:47.9 Jim Lovelady: Yeah. But if I leave, who’s going to save these people? Well, it was never you in the first place.

 

0:30:54.4 Sydney B: Right. It was very kind of the Lord to be like, watch, Sydney. Like, follow me in obedience to where I am calling you. And I have got the whole world in my hands, right? It’s like the classic kids’ song. Like, He’s got the whole world in His hands. And you’re like, oh, yeah. Like, you’re so right.

 

0:31:10.9 Jim Lovelady: Right.

 

0:31:11.3 Sydney B: You’ve got that. You’ve got that covered. I’m just going to go where you’re calling. And I think another thing that’s been helpful is to just kind of stop comparing. I think it’s easy to compare with other people of, oh, so-and-so is doing this, so I should be doing this. And I think I’ve actually found a lot of joy now being like, yeah, the Lord calls us all to different places. And I think that’s so cool and that’s so the church and how He does it, where my sister very much feels called to be a mom to her girls and teach them to know Jesus. And that’s been amazing to watch her do. And she very much feels called to be on mission with her neighbors and the people in her community. And I have another friend who’s in Philly who feels very called to love her students and show them Jesus as she teaches in the Philly school district. And so it’s just one of those things of, yeah, we’re all called to different places. And I think there’s so much joy in getting to be like, look at how we all get to interact in the Kingdom work that God’s doing.

And we’re all free to kind of go where He’s calling because He’s going to use us in different ways, He’s gifted us in different ways. And so I think those two things together kind of gave me freedom to be like, all right, let me really explore this and see where the Lord leads. And it kind of gave me peace with that question of, why? Why go? But I think trusting the Lord is good and He loves people so much more than I do has been amazing and really freeing in that area.

 

0:32:36.1 Jim Lovelady: Yeah. One of the things that I think is fascinating about your story is how, yeah, the repentance of, Jesus needs me here. Say that again slower and listen to yourself say that. Jesus doesn’t need us. He invites us to participate with Him. And it’s like, well, what is my involvement? Well, you’ve said this to me, quoting that worship song, break my heart for what breaks yours. And so you just follow where your heart is broken. Follow where you can’t not think about these people. You can’t not think about this kind of situation. When you find yourself passionate about this thing, and it’s a passion for something that is in tandem with the heart of God, oh, man. Watch out. You’re getting locked in to whatever it is that the Holy Spirit wants to be doing. If you’re passionate about that, oh, man, it is for freedom, that kind of freedom that Christ set us free.

 

0:33:45.7 Sydney B: Oh, yeah. Amen. Well, and I think it just comes back to the idea of prayer of, do I trust that He’s a loving father who, again, delights in me, sees the desires of my heart? And yeah, if it’s in tandem with the Holy Spirit, man, what could happen and what could He do if we trust that He’s loving and sees those things? It’s really cool to see how He works.

 

0:34:11.6 Jim Lovelady: Yeah. You don’t have to stay if you feel like you want to go, and you don’t have to go if you feel like you want to stay. But praying through those things to kind of figure out what really is motivating me here. Am I afraid? Am I afraid to go or am I afraid to stay? Am I too afraid that… It’s crazy and complex how our fears can be integrated in all of this. But it’s like the whole point of this is how this has become a catalyst for you to see the heart of God, to let the heart of God shape your heart so that it’s beating in tandem with His heart. And you haven’t even left yet.

 

0:35:03.3 Sydney B: Haven’t even left.

 

0:35:04.8 Jim Lovelady: I love it. I love that all of the wrestling, should I go? What could that look like? What about all of these things? What about all my fears and what about all my doubts? I don’t know, what were some of the other fears and doubts that have been in the mix with all of this as you’re getting ready to go?

 

0:35:20.3 Sydney B: It’s funny, I think, we talked about this last week, but specifically with support raising and visas, we’re celebrating today because those things have happened, right? 100%. Praise God. Visas come in. Praise God. But I think there’s been moments where I’ve just been so convicted of how quickly my heart is like, oh, what if that doesn’t happen? And be like, oh, no, look, the Lord has already done so much. And it’s been funny where I think in those moments, as I’ve repented and sat with the Lord, it’s really been my biggest prayer request to just be surprised in how He moves. Of like, I can have the best laid out plan, but I’ve been finding out that the Lord will do what He’s going to do and usually in ways that I am usually surprised about. So I’m like, alright, Lord, I want to see that. And so I think throughout the support raising process, it’s been highs and lows of like, oh, I don’t know if this is going to happen by this deadline, that isn’t even necessarily a deadline. The Lord’s going to do it in His timing, right? And to just see the Lord use people that I wasn’t even thinking about to help me in support raising or to be praying for me without me even knowing it, I think has been really cool. To the point that when I feel my heart being like, what about this? It just so quickly goes to, yeah, but look at what the Lord’s already done. He’s given you no reason to doubt Him and what He’s doing. And so just becoming more aware of those moments has honestly been really encouraging and also very humbling to know, yeah, my heart is so quickly like, what about… He’s like, I got you. I love you. I’m going to provide for you. I’ve told you I’m a good shepherd. And so just then getting to sit back and be like, alright, those fears You see and You know, and You’re showing me and You have showed me how You are working and how You’re going to provide, which has been really cool and has encouraged my heart so much to the point that it’s just been fun. Where I’m like, yeah, support raising has been a great time of just being like, man, look what the Lord’s doing. It’s so cool.

 

0:37:32.3 Jim Lovelady: I appreciate that you say this. I don’t believe you. You’re speaking some beautiful… This is like a beautiful ad for why folks should do support raising. It’s like the woman who heads up the support coaching, Joanna Stewart, she would be like, go, Syd! Keep preaching that the way that the Lord moves. So I say I don’t believe you because I don’t know anybody who hates support raising more than me. But you drive a hard bargain…

 

0:38:06.9 Sydney B: Thanks.

 

0:38:10.3 Jim Lovelady: To where how you have seen the Lord work. So tell me some specific stories throughout the support raising process that have just been really encouraging. I mean, maybe not even encouraging is the right word because you got a lot of no’s. You got a lot of people that said no. But in some weird way, that can be encouraging too. So anyway, explain yourself.

 

0:38:32.5 Sydney B: Yeah, let me explain. I actually feel like the no’s have been a huge place where I’ve felt both convicted and, you’re going to hate me, so encouraged. But I think one story is towards the beginning of the process, was really working through what does it look like to follow up with people well? And if I have the mindset of support raising here and now is my ministry and I am called right now to love these people well that I’m asking much of and wanting to interact with and have conversations with, what does follow up look like? And quickly discovered that my personality in those moments is to have a conversation, love having that initial conversation, because it really is just going to be like, hey, let me just tell you what the Lord’s doing. This is so great. And then I would very much prefer to then leave and be like, and whatever the Lord does, He will do it.

 

0:39:31.1 Jim Lovelady: Yeah. Come on.

 

0:39:32.5 Sydney B: Yep. And knowing then that we’re called to follow up has been really impactful. I’ve had a lot of good conversations with my support coach through the process where she was like, hey, clear is kind. And to be clearly following up with people is a way of loving them. So I was like, okay, fine.

 

0:39:47.5 Jim Lovelady: It’s the same kind of prayer. You see the woman sitting there reading the book of John. Jesus goes, hey, go do that. And you’re like, I’m afraid, or I’m embarrassed, or this is hard, or all the other I don’t know what to say, all of those things. It’s the same interaction where Jesus goes, to me too, hey, Jim, go follow up with that person. And I’m like, me? Me? And He’s like, trust me, I love you. Do you love me? And I’m like, not really. And we do get out until we finally come to this place where I go, no, actually, You are the only one I love. I love you. I love because You first loved me. Okay, so ask me and I’ll go do it, but don’t send me alone. Go with me. And he’s like, of course. Absolutely. Let’s go.

 

0:40:43.6 Sydney B: Yeah, but it’s been so cool, I think, with the follow-ups. There have been times where I had one friend who I ended up following up with a couple weeks after we had talked, and they ended up saying, like, hey, no, I’m so sorry. Now’s not a great time. And just seeing the sadness there, and it was hard to say no. I think sometimes we forget it’s also really hard to say no. And I think in that moment, getting to look at them and be like, hey, no, that’s okay. The Lord has called you to use your money in other ways. And if not here, that’s so fine. And I think just being able to even invite other brothers and sisters into that freedom of, you’re allowed to say no, and I get to encourage you in that, but then also be encouraged that you’re saying no and you’re giving me an answer, and that clear is kind. Again, we’re getting to love one another in that. And it was really funny after that conversation, my friend was like, hey, thanks for following up with me. That meant a lot. And I was like, oh, yeah, you’re welcome. And just realizing, yeah, loving people looks usually differently than I would imagine. And so I think in those moments that are hard and bring me out of my comfort zone have also been the places that the Lord has been faithful in answering that prayer of, surprise me, God, in the ways that you do this. And so even just hearing someone say, thanks for following up with me, I was like, oh, completely surprised. But I think in the same way, getting to surprise them and being like, hey, thanks for saying no. Thanks for being faithful in where the Lord has called you and for telling me that, it is huge. And so I think just getting to see the ways that we get to love one another as I support raise and as people pray for me has been really, really cool.

 

0:42:33.0 Jim Lovelady: Yeah. Thanks for praying as you were doing your thing because it led you to the no, and it probably led you to the no through conversations with Jesus about fear and, will you provide? And, what is wisdom? And, where do You want me to serve? Where do You want me to give my money? If it’s not here, where is it? Thank you for praying so that you could get to a place that said, no, this isn’t what the Lord wants me to do. Because that’s of the Lord. How can that be wrong if you’re wrestling with Jesus in honesty and humility and brokenness, if it leads you to that conclusion? So you can honestly say, and maybe you would say it with a stronger faith than me, that that was encouraging.

 

0:43:25.9 Sydney B: It was. Yeah. By the end of the conversation, I was like, wow. It completely changed the way that I started following up with people, honestly, where I was like, man, we get to invite each other into something deeper. We get to invite each other to look at Jesus and to be praying with Jesus and to just be focused on Him. And I think that’s just so cool to see in the body of Christ, that we get to do that in ways that aren’t just like, hey, let me encourage you and point you to Christ, but I think just in being honest with one another and being honest with the Lord. I think it’s just really cool to see how He works through that and His faithfulness and goodness in those moments. And I think just also getting to invite each other into the freedom that we have in Christ. You have the freedom to say no, and don’t let shame or fear or anything stop you from that. And, thank you for praying for me. That’s what I need. And so, yeah, I walked away very encouraged.

 

0:44:21.9 Jim Lovelady: I honestly do love having these conversations. I talk with great disdain about support raising, but I do love the folks that support me are just very dear to me. And the conversations that I get to have where it’s like, what is the Lord up to in your life? I don’t necessarily say it that way. I don’t call them up and be like, hey, what’s the Lord up to in your life? I don’t necessarily use those words, but it is, I want to see how the Lord is moving in your life. And I get a little window, maybe through a FaceTime conversation or a phone call or over coffee or whatever, I get a little window into that, that it really actually does become this source of mutual encouragement. And that’s what the body of Christ, the community of believers together, is supposed to be doing. So the fact that you wake up in the morning and you go, all right, Lord, what do You want from me? The answer is not this general thing of, hey, I want you to go to London and serve me in London. No, it’s like you wake up in the morning and you go, Lord, what do you want from me? And He goes, well, make a few phone calls, or whatever first thing that you may or may not want to do. What is the first step of faithfulness? So I think you said it earlier. It’s all these small steps. How did it come that Sydney ended up called and is imminently going to London? Lots of small steps.

 

0:45:49.8 Sydney B: Lots of small steps.

 

0:45:50.8 Jim Lovelady: Lots of small prayerful steps.

 

0:45:52.2 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:45:53.1 Jim Lovelady: So what would you say to someone who’s wrestling with Jesus, or maybe they’re not even ready to wrestle with Jesus, but there’s some sort of thing of like, I wonder if the Lord is calling me to do really… Here’s where it’s kind of hard to describe because it’s like the category of is the Lord calling me to overseas work, ministry work? That’s worth addressing. But then it’s also the small steps of what do you do with anybody who’s willing to engage in just prayer?

 

0:46:29.4 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:46:29.8 Jim Lovelady: Jesus, what do You want me to do right now? But let it be. Your answer can be as big as what do you say to someone who’s thinking about doing overseas cross-cultural ministry? Start there maybe, and maybe we’ll get down to the nitty-gritty of minute-by-minute faith.

 

0:46:46.4 Sydney B: Yeah, I think I would tell them and encourage them to start with prayer and to really just sit with the Father and just be like, hey, I have this little desire. There’s this little dream thing over here. What do You think of that? And are You calling me? And I think just engaging with Him in that, engaging in the wrestling. But I think with that, we’ve talked a lot about knowing the Father’s voice through this conversation. And I think just being in the word, making sure you do know the Father’s voice, you do know that He loves you. And as you have these conversations, because I feel like if you go into wrestling with things and you don’t know that, yeah, there’s probably going to be fears and shame. And you’re like, that’s not the Father, right? And so knowing first and foremost who He is and His character and then getting to wrestle that out in prayer, I would say, are first steps. I think after that, bring other brothers and sisters into it. I think those are the really cool conversations you get to have where they help you wrestle it out. I think the Lord’s been very kind in giving us the church body and the Holy Spirit. You don’t have to do this wrestling alone. And so I think just bringing people in and being like, hey, what do you think of this? And I think sometimes that’s scary because someone could sit down with you and be like, no, I don’t think that’s great, right? And so I think being willing to be vulnerable and be like, hey, what do you think about this desire that’s been placed on my heart and what are your thoughts on it? And can you help me wrestle through that? I think it is vulnerable and can be scary. But I think it’s been so life-giving and so worth that risk that it feels like it is sometimes. I would say do it, bring people in. I feel like my first LEAP or second, there were three questions that one of the workers out there kind of asked when they were talking about what it looks like to possibly be called. And the three were: Are you able to do it? Are you willing? And is it worth it? And I think those three have been really helpful.

 

0:48:56.1 Jim Lovelady: Are you able? Are you willing? Is it worth it?

 

0:48:58.7 Sydney B: Yeah. And so I think just thinking through those questions and bringing people in with that of, hey, am I able to do this? And then just getting to be honest of, is it worth it? But I think ultimately, just knowing that there’s freedom in Christ. If you go on the mission field and if you do work overseas, praise be to God. That’s amazing. And if you stay, praise be to God. That’s amazing. He’s doing Kingdom work everywhere. So it’s kind of like, all right, Lord, what would you have me do? And just getting to have the joy of the Lord in that,  He has joy in sending His beloved and His kids into the work that He’s already doing. And that also applies wherever you go, whether that’s staying home, going an hour away, going overseas, just having that joy and freedom in the Lord of getting to explore that with Him, I think, is really fun.

 

0:49:51.5 Jim Lovelady: Oh, that’s so good. That’s so good. And props to one of my favorite churches in the world that is sending you. And how I love the day they announced, the day the pastor announced. He’s like, this keeps happening. We bring people on staff and they end up being called overseas. And I’m like, praise be the Lord, that there’s a generosity from the church to let the Kingdom move forward in sending, being just a generous sending church. So that was just a very delightful moment. All the while, I was like, I don’t remember if I had heard that you were leaving. I think that that might have been the first. I was like, wait, what? Oh, well, praise the Lord.

 

0:50:40.8 Sydney B: Praise the Lord, I guess.

 

0:50:42.6 Jim Lovelady: Okay, so you’re leaving in a few days.

 

0:50:45.1 Sydney B: In a few days.

 

0:50:45.8 Jim Lovelady: Tell me some of your fears and anxieties and expectations and hopes and looking forward. What does that look like?

 

0:50:53.8 Sydney B: I feel like fears and anxieties right now, I’m in the midst of a lot of goodbyes. And so I think part of the “is it worth it” question has been huge for me because I love my community, I love my people. And so I think just feeling that, like, oh, I’m saying goodbye. And like, Lord, I need You to help me trust that You have people that are going to be in my life over there as well. And there are friendships that I don’t even know about, right? And so I think there’s been that aspect of it. I think super excited, though, about the work that the church that I’m joining is doing. I think one of the things that I’m really excited about is just the idea of an intercultural church where you get to celebrate one another’s cultures. And I think it’s just a little taste of what Heaven’s going to be like, where we all get to just come together in the throne room. And I think that’s going to be really cool with a lot of areas for growth and exploring, like, just what does this look like? And then, yeah, I think there’s a lot of young people in the area that I’m going to. So I think just that of getting to see and walk with people as they get to know Christ more and get to know His heart and His character, and just walking with them really excites me. So I guess the overall answer is people. Yeah, but I think those are some of the fears and some of the excitement and expectation that I just get to go and see how the Lord’s going to move. And I think there’s a lot of fun and freedom to that and a lot of unknown and uncertainty. So, yeah.

 

0:52:25.7 Jim Lovelady: Yeah. I keep getting a vision of you at that book table. The Lord’s calling you over there to where that woman is. And there was a walking, there was a certain distance that you had to walk. And there was a getting up and going that is like, hey, you’re going to go with me, though, right? And, I don’t know what to expect over here completely. I mean, there’s some anticipation and whatnot. Like, I know that you want me to talk about a few things when I go talk to that woman, but I don’t know what it’s going to be like. So you’re going to go with me, right?

 

0:53:01.5 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:53:01.9 Jim Lovelady: So it just feels like that’s what it is. You have a few days left before you head over and it’s like, all right, I’m going to do this, and I’m so excited about all these things, and You’re going to go with me, right? And He’s like, yeah, and I’m already over there. And I go before you and behind you and to your right and to your left, above and below. Just Christ with you, Christ in you, Christ before you. Well, I can’t wait to see how the next two years unfolds.

 

0:53:37.2 Sydney B: Me, too.

 

0:53:37.8 Jim Lovelady: So what I want you to do is go have an amazing adventure. And then two years from now, when the apprenticeship is over, come back, come hang out, bring back some real English tea, maybe.

 

0:53:49.0 Sydney B: Yeah. I’ll bring you some English dinner tea to round out your collection.

 

0:53:54.9 Jim Lovelady: All of our field workers are like, oh, Jim, you don’t even know. So come back and you can school me, school me on real tea, okay? And I guarantee two years from now, you will have it locked in.

 

0:54:08.8 Sydney B: Yeah.

 

0:54:09.3 Jim Lovelady: And I want to hear how it went. Because for me, this is kind of like a time capsule. This is Sydney right now, right as she’s about to head over to do the apprenticeship. Let’s see what the Lord does. This is what He’s been doing. Let’s see what the Lord’s going to do. So thank you so much for hanging out.

 

0:54:25.7 Sydney B: Thanks for having me.

 

0:54:26.6 Jim Lovelady: I hope that worked.

 

0:54:27.7 Sydney B: Me, too.

 

 

0:54:36.5 Jim Lovelady: After my conversation with Sydney, I was brought back to the story of Peter walking on the water. I felt the words the other disciples said as they were watching Peter step out in faith, sink, get rescued, and then walk with Jesus back to the boat. Truly, Jesus, You are the Son of God! Sydney may not have been walking on water, but she’s doing some really amazing things that pointed to a glorious Savior. She was answering the invitations that God gave to her, and she was talking with Him, responding to Him with her fears and doubts and ultimately her actions. And my response to that was, truly, Jesus, You are the Son of God. Do you feel that way, too? If you had that kind of response, I want you to know it’s an invitation from the Lord. Maybe it’s time for you to step out of the boat and take some risks for Jesus. And look, 11 disciples stayed in the boat while one stepped out, but all of them were amazed by Jesus. And that’s what we want more than anything else. We want to see the glory and beauty and be amazed. And a lot of this episode was about the topic of discerning God’s will on your life. So I want to give you some resources for you to keep exploring the ways that God might be nudging you to take the next step in following his invitation. The first is a blog post called “3 Questions to Uncomplicate Your Calling.” I also want to recommend a book by Nathan Sloan called “𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘵”. If you want a good understanding of what it means to be a Christian on mission, if you want to understand your place in God’s mission for the world, follow the link in the show notes and pick up this book. It’s great for individual study, but it’s fantastic for group study. And I’m talking to you, you pastors, okay? In the show notes, you’ll also find a link for a webinar that Nathan did as an accompaniment to this book. Check that out and links to other blog posts on evangelism and calling. And if you want to give toward the work of Serge, follow that link as well. Your donations help make our work in God’s Kingdom possible. So thank you so much for your generosity. It’s all in the show notes. So what are you waiting for? Go check out the show notes. Oh, and don’t forget to leave a rating on this podcast and hit the like button and subscribe to Serge’s YouTube channel. Now, it seems like faithfulness is always about responding to the tender invitation of our loving Heavenly Father. So what invitation is He giving you right now? Not sure? What’s the next thing on your list after you listen to this podcast? God’s invitation is somewhere in that next thing. And it probably has something to do with loving the people around you more generously in the way that Christ loves them. So you pray something like this, Lord, if it’s you, command me to empty the dishwasher. If it’s you, command me to talk to that person. Command me to have that humble, humbling conversation. Command me to be generous. If it’s you, command me and I’ll do it. Even if it’s risky, even if I’m afraid, especially if I’m hard-hearted and rebellious, especially if I’m discouraged. Command me and I’ll do it because I love You. And when you mess up or fumble or fail, you pray, Lord, save me. And in that very moment of desperation, you’ll experience a loving Savior who rescues you, grabs you by the hand, and pulls you close to Himself. Jesus is amazing like that. And this is my prayer for you as you risk stepping out of your comfort zone and follow Jesus at His command. And remember, as you go, you are not alone. The Lord who loves you goes with you. So receive His blessing as you go on the mission field. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to smile down on you. May the Lord be gracious to you, turn His bright eyes to you, and give you His peace. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, one God, life everlasting. Amen.

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